FAREWELL

After almost five years on the web, Evolution is making its final change, and becoming static. This may not be a surprise to some of you, and I know it isn't for me... it has been something I've wanted to do for quite some time. And, perhaps I will leave this part of my web-life behind with a little reflection for you all.

When I look back on all that has happened to me since creating this site, there are a lot of things to remember. The group of webmasters and surfers that make up the "Sailormoon Web Community" is easily one of the most volatile groups that I have ever been part of, and while that did make it interesting at times, it also had its negative points.

The sad thing is, I can't help but remember all the strife that being high-profile in the SM Web has put me through. Just reading the previous editorials in this section, and remembering all the negativity and harsh words that were exchanged before I wrote them, is enough to make my blood boil much in the way it did when those events originally occurred. And you know, I don't really like that feeling. I'm not a person who gets angry often, and that's because I *hate* the feeling I get when I'm truly angry. It's emotionally stressful and painful, and I don't deal well with stress.

In the time I've spent away from this site, I do feel that I've achieved a certain peace. I can get online, visit my usual haunts, and actually look forward to it, because I know I won't be flamed, harassed, or harangued. I have a silly gaggle of friends that I can still chat with, secure in the knowledge that they'll show me kindness and be genuinely concerned with my well-being. And, I can also feel sure that they'll know when I'm joking, and that they'll know when not to take something I say to heart.

And it's true that I'm probably only averaging about 30-40 hits per day now... but I'm okay with that. Why? Because the people who are visiting Evolution now, while not always being the most mature and eloquent fans, have been honest, forthright, and appreciative of the work I've put in here over the years. They've been polite and kind. They're the kind of fans that anyone would be happy to have.

It's that kind of thing which kept me here for this long. That occasional letter from an earnest fan, the random friendly reminder of changes in dub info, or little nits and picks. Even criticism is wonderful to receive, when you know it was sent with the best of intentions in mind. I think that's what really drove me early on: knowing that I can create something, put my very soul into it, and end up with something that others appreciate, and consider valuable. It's not about fame or money, just love.

The people I've met because of this web site have also been a treasure. I find it amazing that, after all these years, I'm still in touch with many of these people, most of whom I *still* haven't met face-to-face. (though we *are* working on it! ^_-) Some of these people are the best friends I've ever had, which probably sounds pretty sad to any normal person, but to me, it means a lot. I've always thought it was wonderful that the web could bring people together in such a powerful and meaningful way, and it still amazes and enchants me even now.

It's because of people like these that I've even bothered to make a closing layout. When it feels as though people are mistreating you, it doesn't particularly motivate you to give them more than you already have, because that's leaving yourself open to more harassment and more demands. But the few lingering voices that said "hey, I like this! I'd love to see more!" are the ones who kept me hanging on long enough to finish this.

The wacky thing is, I'm considering reviving this page, even as I write this essay about it going static. I just updated my Sailorpluto shrine a couple days ago, after over a year without updates, and I felt something that I hadn't felt in quite some time, as I was making that update. I started feeling the kind of love that I'd had for this site, back when I first started making it. I had that insane, gripping urge to get that new design up as soon as possible, so I could let the world see what new things I've done. I think that it might even be possible for this site to give me that kind of charge again, given the right timing and the proper conditions.

But, perhaps it's because of the negatives that I'm staying away. Maybe I don't want to open myself up to the harshness of years past, because I can't deal with that kind of negativity anymore. Perhaps I'm too busy with life and new projects to worry about an aging outpost like this one. Or maybe it's just the fact that I haven't really sat down and watched Sailormoon in a long while. Maybe now, the series has lost some of its original flavor for someone who is 5 years older, and is now able to drive, vote, and drink legally.

Incidentally, lately I've been hoping to get my boyfriend to watch the R movie with me sometime soon, because I think he'd appreciate it... maybe I'll re-discover what I loved so much about this program the first time around.

Who knows? I might be back sooner than you think.

Thank you, to everyone who has played a part in this crazy ride, no matter how big or small. You've made it all worthwhile, in one way or another.

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